“WARNING: Prolonged viewing of the above image is not recommended. We cannot be held responsible for any resulting damages including injury and/or death.” It is not out of fear that we proclaim Chuck Norris as one of the most badass characters character EVER…
Who?
He’s the man. Chuck Norris is an American martial artist, action star, author and humanitarian who is most known for his solid roundhouse kick and even harder beard. He is extremely self disciplined and has earned the respect of millions worldwide.
Chuck held the World Professional MiddleWeight Karate Championship title for six years until he got bored and retired undefeated in 1974. Furthermore, in 1997 he was first man ever in the Western Hemisphere to be awarded an 8th degree Black Belt Grand Master recognition in the Tae Kwon Do system. That’s right, those Asians broke 4,500 years of tradition to give him this.
Chuck was in numerous feature films and starred in his long-running CBS television series, "Walker, Texas Ranger." He also fought Bruce Lee in The Way of the Dragon (1972), where he let Lee win. Bruce Lee died at age 32… and his death is still a mystery…
The Phenomenon
Chuck Norris facts are absurd and exaggerated claims that Chuck Norris is an all-powerful superbeing. They wittily reference his toughness, attitude, virility and masculinity.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
These hyperbolic claims started popping up on the internet around 2005 and their exact origin is unknown. (Really, who cares where they started) Since then, they have become part of popular culture appearing worldwide in magazines, tv, video games and all over the internet.
There are tens of thousands of Chuck Norris facts floating around and we’ve heard most of them. Here’s a list of fifty of the most lol-worthy. Feel free to try and flame our favourites or share your own in the comments.
Top 50 Chuck Norris Facts
50. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
49. Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
48. Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
47. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
46. Chuck Norris once thought he was wrong, but he was wrong
45. Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a fatal roundhouse kick. When asked about this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
44. On the seventh day, God rested… Chuck Norris took over.
43. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
42. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
41. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
40. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
39. In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris.... well, he still kicks your ass
38. There is no Control button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
37. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
36. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and knew karate.
35. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can “accidentally” beat the shit out of little kids.
34. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
33. Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
32. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
31. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
30. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.
29. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
“Bang!”
28. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
27. Between 1933 and 1945, 5.5 million Jews died because Chuck Norris didn't like his bagel.
26. Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
25. Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas
24. Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
23. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
22. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
21. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
20. Chuck Norris can divide by 0
19. Some kids can piss there name in snow... Chuck Norris can piss his name in concrete
18. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. the devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
17. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
16. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
15. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
14. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding
13. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
12. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn’t take shit from anybody.
11. When chuck Norris jumps into a lake he doesn’t get wet, the lake gets Chuck Norris
10. When Chuck Norris found this web-site while surfing the internet, he round house kicked his computer...10 new facts were added instantly - including this one.
9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking indian
8. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
7. When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the restaurant so hard it became a Wendy's.
6. Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.
5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
4. Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
3. Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
2. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
1. Chuck Norris
Without a doubt, the Chuck Norris phenomenon is a...
and this verdict is…
Written by: v3sh
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